You can't walk home

O.K., I fell off the wagon. All it took was registering for college and starting during the summer semester. It became hard to go to the gym, followed by impossible to go to the gym in the fall, because I registered for 4 courses while working nearly full time at the bus company and having two sons home.
Naturally it was too hot to exercise in the summer so I languished by the air conditioner while I studied and napped. I became sedentary, and stopped counting the carbs. Soon the old glycemic swing had me craving sweets again. It wasn't hard to put on almost 10 of the 30 pounds I had lost, and hover at that mark. About 1 month ago my monitor on the bus, Nestor, who by now had lost about 80 pounds, nagged me and shamed me into getting a little more serious. Nestor has a mild touch of diabetes, and my dieting last winter got him started on his diet. He stuck with it. He eats little else but turkey, lite bread, lite mayonnaise, lettuce and water. I'm sure there are a couple of other things he eats like boiled plantains.
Now I have to hear him daily remind me how good he's looking and how great he's doing. He keeps telling me I'll never lose weight if I keep drinking soda. I tell him it's diet. He says it doesn't matter. I say 0 calories, see, look at the label. 0. He says look at the color. There's calories in there. I say that's food coloring and I need the caffeine to stay alert while I'm driving. He shakes his head and says you'll never lose any more weight that way. I say, you really need to stop eating that diet butter. It's full of hydrogenated oils and it's not good for your heart.
You know, this is much more motivational than hearing someone say I know you'll do it. Or, you look great just as you are. Nestor has thrown down the gauntlet. He's told me I can't do something. So naturally I have to prove he's wrong to him, and to me. My Irish is up. So, I stop trying to rationalize that apples, made into an apple crisp, are healthy. I start having more soup. I convince Nestor that we have to walk during the 10 or 15 minutes between our middle and elementary school runs. Boiled chicken becomes the basis for all major meals. Breakfast happens at 9am instead of 6 am.
I can't bring myself to eat salad again. Lettuce sits untouched in the crisper until it turns brown. Anything stored in the vegetable bin is safe, because the boys won't touch anything that looks remotely fresh and doesn't come in a box. So the vegetable bin becomes the best place to hide my Pepsi. Sean, who is working nights stocking shelves at Walmart has started pilfering my Pepsi. The most effort I care to put in, in the kitchen, is to heat a bag of veggies from the freezer.
Grudgingly I have to admit that Nestor is right about the soda. It does have to go. It's my last great vice. I have no resolve to conquer this problem. But, I have made one effort that is making a difference. I live 3 miles from work. Typically I pick up the bus in the morning and keep it during the day at home after the morning run, do the afternoon run and return to base and get my car. Now that I'm in school, I find that I need my car at home during the day more often, to get things done that I don't have time for after work. I can save time going to work by keeping the bus at home during the week. So Monday morning I get up and walk to work at 4:30 am. Monday's are good for this because there is no midday run for preschool on Mondays, and I can rest and/or study for 4 hours before the high school run.
After work I come straight home and have 15 to 20 minutes extra to do chores, errands, homework, eat dinner and get ready for school at night. Same goes for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. The first Monday I did this it worked out well. I even had time when I got home with the bus to take a quick shower before Nestor came before the run. Friday, when it was time to drop the bus off for the week end, I made the mistake of trying to walk home in the afternoon. Several buses honked at me, and one of the drivers stopped to offer a ride. I said no that's o.k., but later she came back and insisted. I guess I would have to be crazy to walk that far. That was Nestors reaction the first time I told him. He actually noticed right away, because when he came to the house before the run he could see my car in the driveway. I told him it wasn't crazy. There are side walks all the way, except for the last 1/4 mile. There are street lights most of the way. No one in their right mind is up that time of the morning, (heh, heh, heh) so it's perfectly safe. It's not like I'm walking through Lawrence.
So I realized that if I wanted to walk home on Friday, it would have to be at 4:30 in the morning when all the rational, sane bus drivers were still in bed. Nestor, being the good friend that he is, wanted to discourage this plan, so on Thursday afternoon he tells me about the time in Puerto Rico, when he was staying with his dad, he was walking home past a grave yard and saw a ghost floating 2 feet off the ground. He's a big man, and not afraid of anyone, but he ran like the wind, away from there. I naturally asked him why he didn't take a good look at the ghosts face, determine if it was a man or a woman, ask it what the afterlife was like, and so on. I'm sure there was no coincidence that I would be walking past 3 grave yards on the way home in the next morning.
Well, as you might have guessed, I wasn't going to let a silly ghost story discourage me from walking home. It was reasonably warm with my two sweatshirts on and a wool hat and gloves. There was very little wind and the gloves came off after the first mile. The moon was full and the stars were bright, and when I reached the Elmwood cemetery, I thought of Nestor and walked straight through the middle of it. I wondered why I wasn't seeing any ghosts, but then realized at 5am, they are probably sleeping like everyone else. I looked at the big dipper and found the north star, and then saw a shooting star.
I'm not as young as I used to be, who of us is, and I find that one of these walks leaves me achy for a couple of days. It's not the same as walking on a tread mill. There are curbs and sticks and acorns and hills and mail boxes and everyone on 113 has their trash out on Monday mornings. That last 1/4 mile has me walking on an embankment when I need to be out of the road. I even got a little cocky once or twice and thought I would try to jog a little bit. Big mistake. I still walked to work the next Monday though. Today was a 1/2 day and for some reason (aches, pains, exhaustion from all that school work) I didn't want to get up at 4:30 this morning, and slept in until 5:30. I had to walk home after work. Once again, one of the bus drivers caught up with me before I was 1/2 way home and picked me up and told me to call her when ever I needed a ride. Bus drivers are awesome people. I was achy. I had an appointment at 2 pm. I could have walked, but I've lost 8 of those 10 pounds and I'm not feeling the need to kill myself losing the rest. I know winter is coming and the first snow fall will put an end to this episode. I'm going to have to be disciplined about the early morning walks. After 5:30 am, you can't walk home.

Love your personal trainer

One of the activities at the gym which is very helpful in losing weight is weight lifting. The reason is that as you build muscle, you increase your metabolism. Muscle burns more fat, even when you're resting, it makes everything you do easier, and it makes you feel better. I would never recommend trying to lift weights without getting educated about what is beneficial and safe to do. Injuring yourself is going to ruin all the fun, and set you back on your progress because you'll need time to heal and you'll lose the muscle you've gained when you stop your work out. Weight lifting is a commitment, but it's one that really pays off with big results.
Danny is my personal trainer. He's about two years older than my oldest son, and as a mother of 3 sons, I felt a connection with him right away. He was captain of his high school football team, so before he went to school to become a physical trainer, he already knew a lot about exercise. He's a really nice kid, and great to kid around with, but when we're working out, he's all business. In the beginning I told him that I have a history of shoulder and knee problems. I don't know if that was a good idea or not, because it seemed like he gave me a lot of exercises for my shoulders and knees. I had a tough time with the knee exercises. There was pain. I had to learn what pain I could push through and what kind I needed to avoid. I found after a few work outs, that my knees were getting stronger and I was having less pain. The muscles around my joints were building up and taking the pressure off of the joints themselves. Taking Glucosamine/Chondroitin/MSM supplements seemed to help too. Six weeks later I'm doing the exercises quicker, and using more weight and feeling more confident. That being said, I confess I did exclude the lunges from my routine. They were just too much for me. Danny doesn't know about that yet.
Today I had another training session with Danny and he gave me some new exercises. This is important because your body becomes accustomed to a routine and changing the routine helps make you stronger and get quicker results. Of course, now I feel like I'm back at the beginning when I didn't know what I was doing and the work was harder. It's all good though, it just means I'm making progress. I get excited when I make good progress. I look back and see how far I've come and then looking forward I begin to feel that anything is possible. When I first started at the club, 5 minutes on the Precor would make my feet cramp, and 12 laps in the pool seemed like a lot. Now I do 20 minutes on the Precor and my first 12 laps in the pool I can do no sweat and without stopping. Today I did 30 laps. Danny says he can't swim 4 laps. I don't believe him. Two days ago when I told him about the weight loss, he said you're looking good, and asked me for a date. I told you he's a kidder.
I like to stop in and visit with Danny or with Ellen ( the person who signed me up for the club membership ) and tell them about my progress. A few weeks ago, I had an at work physical at the bus company. The nurse practitioner did some tests and the results made me very happy: my blood was 98% oxygenated, my resting pulse was 53, my blood pressure was 112/68. Hearing that made me feel very healthy, and pleased with my investment in the health club. A few days ago I saw a new number in the tens column when I stepped on the scale. That always makes me very excited. This time it meant I was only 2 pounds away from being able to tell my middle son that I've lost 30 lbs since the last time he's seen me. He's coming home from college in 3 more days. Unfortunately we had a little party at work the next day. I wasn't really bad, I just ate a large plate of the salad that I brought ( which everyone raved about because it had romaine and mixed baby salad greens, plus side dishes with onions, mushrooms, peppers, olives, feta cheese, etc. ) and 5 or 6 little hummus tahini pin rolls, 2 of Lori's meat balls and 1 slice off of a slice of Linzer Torte. The next morning I was up 3 lbs. I know that doesn't sound fair, and it isn't; I mean all that was in place of dinner and even then only 1 lb makes any sense, but maybe it's a sign that my cycle will be only a week away. My body does that to me. So I probably won't be able to say I'm 30 pounds thinner when I see Sean at the airport, but I did fit into some smaller jeans today because it's not only about the pounds on the scale. Danny took my measurements today and in the last 39 days I've lost 12.2 lbs, 2% of body fat, 1/2" off of my hips, 1/2" off of my thighs, 3 1/2" off of my waist, 2 1/4" off of my biceps, and 1 inch off of my shoulders. So the story of my weight loss has been a little like the bunny hop: Two hops forward, one hop back. I just have to keep focused in the right direction and stay on track. This is not a short term goal. This is for life, and in a year or so I'll have hopped along way towards that size 12 or what ever it will finally be. The important thing to remember is that everyday I'm getting better.
Next post: Can I reach the 50 pound mark in the two months before Brian comes home?
Yeah, I do like to make unreasonable goals. But if you are shooting for the stars, it's o.k. to land on the moon.

On the fast track

I promised to post on the 12 pound weight loss in January. It was the result of dogged determination to lose 20 pound in one month. What can I say, I'm just like everyone else: I want to lose it fast. My most successful strategy is to incorporate huge amounts of vegetables into my diet in order to overcome hunger. Vegetables aren't as tasty as most carbs, particularly the ones incorporating sugar and liberal amounts of chocolate (unfortunately, I am an addict). However, vegetables are more likely to give you a lasting sense of fullness with the fewest amount of calories. Water is good for that too, but I have a difficult time drinking enough water, and I do love to add things to water for flavor. My answer to this problem is to use K2o, which has protein and fiber and helps reduce hunger. I make sure to bring 2 bottles with me where ever I go, although I usually am only able to barely finish one. It was a challenge to find enough bathrooms along my bus route, but the schools are familiar with me now and I can just run in quick without lengthy security checks, and Walmart, Home Depot, McDonalds and Wendys are all good for quick stops.

One other strategy which has helped me in breaking bad habits and forming good ones is substitution. I have to have chocolate in substantial quantities at least once a month, so I use diet pudding, diet hot cocoa mix and Skinny Cow products. I've also found substituting melba toast for crackers and bread is helpful when you want something crunchy. Four rounds is 50 calories and there are a lot of good flavor varieties. My favorite are the 3 pepper, and the sesame. I ate quite a few carrot and celery sticks in January before that got old. I made quite a good dip using 1/2 part low calorie Cains Mayonaise and 1/2 part fat free sour cream and 1 pkg of ranch dressing mix. It was really good with raw broccoli and cauliflower too. My meats were mostly boiled boneless chicken breasts, lean packaged ham, and solid white tuna in water. When I did have bread it was the high fiber type. The last really helpful strategy was to have lots of low calorie soup, preferably home made chicken with as few noodles as possible, and diet vegetable soup from the Weight Watcher getting started book. I would publish it here if I thought it might not cause a problem for copyright infringement. I honestly don't think they can copyright that recipe, I'm sure my aunt lost weight with the same recipe at least a decade before Weight Watchers started using it. My advice: ask a friend who has been to Weight watchers if they'll give you the recipe.

I am experienced enough at weight loss to know that you can't get far on diet alone, so I began walking at the park early in the morning before my bus run. It was quite cold and I had to really bundle up with two shirts and a fleece, a scarf and gloves and sometimes nylon pants under my jeans. If I got to the park early enough, I could fit almost 2 miles in before I had to get on the bus. Of course that meant watching the sunrise while it was just a glow below the horizon, and sometimes walking wasn't practical if there was a lot of snow or ice. I have a history of knee problems and plantar fasciitis (if you don't know what this is, be thankful) so walking was literally a pain. I was careful to stretch though so that my tight calf muscles wouldn't tear the facia again.

By the end of January, I realized that even though I was down 12 pounds, I wasn't meeting my goal and I expected that the first month would have resulted in a more dramatic loss. I realize that first week or two is mostly water weight, and that was the cause of my high expectations. My weight loss at this point began to slow down dramatically. It's not unusual as you approach menopause to find losing weight more difficult. By mid February I was having difficulty reaching the 15 pound mark. I knew it was time to take things up a level, so at the beginning of February school vacation I went to a health club and got a free one week trial membership. I went almost every day and spent more than 1/2 an hour in the cardio theater and did at least 12 laps in the pool before soaking my joints in the hot tub. It was a good way to spend vacation. At the end of the week I joined the club. It was expensive (about twice as expensive as going to Weight Watchers when you include the 16 sessions with the personal trainer), but I used my savings to pay up front and got the lowest price and 3 free months, so now I have a 15 month membership and a new more realistic goal: 10 pounds per month until I can wear a size 12 comfortably. Then I can reassess my goal, based on how I look and feel. Some people may think a size 12 is large, but I'm 5'8" and I've never been less than a size 12 since childhood. Sizes have changed since then too, so I really have to wait and see if that's the right goal for me. It's good for now. Today I am 19 pounds lighter than when I started. Pants that I could barely fit into before are quite loose on me now, and I expect I'll be giving away some of my old clothes soon.

Some of you probably think I was harshing on my mom in my last post, but I did let it slip finally, that I've been dieting and have lost a chunk of poundage. She got all concerned that she would not be able to keep up with my weight loss. Mind you, she weighs at least 60 pounds less than I do, and exercises daily, but she does have a much more difficult time losing weight than I do, at least until now. I reluctantly challenged her to a contest to see who could lose the most weight, because I knew that was what she wanted. That's how she gets motivated. Today as I told her how I spent 1/2 an hour on the Pre Cor and 15 minutes on the bike, and did my weight lifting before swimming 18 laps in the pool, she got motivated to get off the phone and get on her tread mill. She and dad had gone to their gym this morning, but mom doesn't want to be left behind. I know how she feels. She is very happy for me and proud of my effort.

Next Post: Danny, my personal trainer, has plans for me.

For starters

Almost everyone thinks about losing weight at New Years. A lot of people make a commitment to begin January 1. In this respect I was different. I had thought about weight loss. I'm always thinking about weight loss, but I wasn't thinking seriously and had no commitment in mind. On January 4th, I returned to work on the school bus. My monitor shared the plan he has for weight loss: eat a small breakfast, starve through the day, eat dinner. Though I knew that this was not a real plan for success, I felt somehow that the gauntlet had been thrown down.

I've come to understand, through the years, that weight loss can be a competitive sport. Tell your friends you're dieting and expect to receive a gift from them at the next chocolate holiday. Tell your mom you're dieting and she'll load the Sunday table with everyones favorite foods and show her support by giving you a salad with low calorie dressing. After the blessing she'll announce she's been walking 5 miles a day and ask you to pass the salad while everyone else is loading up on mashed potatoes and gravy. Perhaps she thinks she is being supportive, but she really doesn't want to end up the fattest person in the room next Christmas. Yeah, that sounds a little harsh, especially after all the hard work she put into the chocolate carob pudding so I could enjoy desert while the rest of the family had cheesecake. I'm sure she wasn't singling me out, she had some too... just a spoon full before she got up to clear the table.

I'm as competitive as the next person. Everyone wants to win, to succeed, to be celebrated. I had a growing resentment building inside me about the loneliness that only fat people can understand. Fat people are hated. Not many people are overt about it, but occasionally you'll hear someone comment. The words aren't as telling as the look on their faces. The look that a strong odor just wafted over from the landfill. But the look reflects their feelings about a person. A person who is fat. Most people, however, simply avoid fat people. They leave them alone. They choose not to include them. Some of these people may be naturally shy, and can excuse themselves by saying "that fat person over there is just another person I don't know and am uncomfortable approaching". But if the person was skinny, well dressed, you know, one of the beautiful people, shy people would find a way to come out of their shell. Yeah, I guess you could say I'm bitter.

Bitterness isn't always a bad thing. If you can turn that bitterness to anger, and then use that anger to motivate yourself to make changes, it can become sweet; Bittersweet. On January 4th, bittersweet combined with competitiveness and a desire not to be left behind. I decided to make a commitment. I will become one of the beautiful people. Well as beautiful as you can be when your 50th birthday is looming in the not so distant future. I have more than 100 pounds to lose. I'm ready to start with that. I can re-evaluate when that goal approaches. I have challenges to face along the way. Foot problems, knee problems, some arthritis here and there, all combine to make exercise difficult. Unfortunately, I can not thrive on 500 calories a day so exercise is required, and important to combat arthritis. Pain will be part of the experience, but I do not fear it.

Next post: How determination, diet and exercise result in January's 12 pound weight loss.